


of love and laughter

by foggynelson



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, M/M, but it means so much to me i can't even say, this whole fic is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-08 19:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7770157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggynelson/pseuds/foggynelson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So. Well. It appears that Simon does, indeed, have a crush on Jace Lightwood. It hits him during the next time they’re out and Simon is eating his lunch. Jace is telling him a story about the fitness class he taught yesterday when he lets out this loud laugh, he snorts and it’s so pure and light and sweet and… Simon likes him. Simon has a crush on Jace fucking Lightwood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	of love and laughter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> I was trying to write the summary for this when I realize it honestly has no plot. Just 6k of mostly fluff. Oops?

Jace and Simon meet because of Simon's highkey crush on his brother, Alec Lightwood. It's just a crush. All it would ever be. Alec has a boyfriend, one that Simon loves. And Simon knows Alec loves Magnus, can see it in the way that Alec looks at him. And to be honest, that's probably a large portion of what the crush is about. Simon wants someone to look at him that way. 

They meet at a party. One of Magnus', naturally. It's the first one Simon has gone to and he know he's only invited because he's Clary's best friend. But he takes it. Clary disappears with her girlfriend, Maureen, minutes after arriving at the party, so Simon finds his way to Alec, who happens to be with two other people who aren't Magnus.

Alec introduces them as his brother, Jace, and sister, Isabelle ("you can call me Izzy everyone does"), and Simon, unable to ever stop himself from talking, says to Alec, "I thought I remember hearing that you had two sisters." 

Simon sees an emotion flash across Jace's face. It's hard to place, but he thinks it may be fear. But that makes no sense. Alec is looking at him with concern as he places a hand on his back. "Well obviously you heard wrong. Just the one sister. And she's enough of a handful on her own." He flashes a smile at Izzy and Simon smiles too. 

"Oh yeah cool sorry." He turns to Izzy and Jace and says, "It's really nice to meet you both." 

It's a second later that Magnus is there. He says hello to Jace and Izzy and gives a small nod to Simon before he takes his boyfriend away. It's just another second later when Isabelle says, "Oh, Lydia's here! I'm gonna go say hi! You okay, brother?" she adds, looking at Jace. He nods. As Isabelle leaves, Simon expects Jace to find some reason to leave as well. He doesn't. 

Simon can't handle silence for very long and not knowing what else to say he says, "Sorry about before when I asked about Alec having two sisters. You seemed really, I don't know, upset or something."

A similar look appears on Jace's face now, only Simon is able to distinguish some anger in there for sure now. "Why would I be upset?" Jace barks at him. 

"I don't know I just wanted to apologize?" Simon offers. But that was apparently _wrong_ and Jace huffs before walking away, leaving Simon confused and alone. 

And that's how Simon made the brother of the love of his life hate him.  


* * *

  
Okay. Alec is obviously not the love of his life. Simon knows this. As he stands there watching Alec and Magnus make out, Simon knows this. But it's better than the alternative of never having a love of his life. So he rolls with it.

It’s been a slow day and Simon is excited when he hears the bells on the door jingle. Simon looks to see who is coming in and is surprised to see Jace walk in. He’s not sure why he’s surprised. Jace has been visiting a lot lately since Magnus’ party. Or maybe he was visiting a lot before then, too, and Simon simply never noticed.

Jace starts to walk over to the cafe but notices Magnus and Alec kissing and he stops. He looks around and notices Simon, his eyes lingering on him. Simon waves, smiling. Jace offers a small smile of his own and, surprisingly, walks over to Simon. 

“Hey,” Simon says once Jace is standing in front of him. 

“Um hey. Sorry. I didn’t want to interrupt Alec and Magnus. Alec never says anything about it, but the last time I interrupted their kissing Magnus glared at me for the rest of the day. That wasn’t fun. Alec made him apologize afterwards, which was kind of cute, though.” 

“That sounds like them. Well. That sounds like how Alec would treat his brother. Last time I interrupted them, Alec definitely glared at me and I think he may have mumbled ‘fucking straight people’ which is funny seeing as I’m not straight. Also someone needed something from the top shelf and I can’t reach and he’s at work so I don’t know why he got upset that I asked him to actually do his job. I mean I get it. I would rather be kissing my boyfriend than getting books for snotty customers. Or at least I would if I had a boyfriend, ya know.” Simon smiles, taking a deep breath. He’s aware of how much he just talked and he’s waiting for Jace to give him a weird look and walk away.

Instead, Jace laughs. “You’re funny,” he comments. 

“Wow thank you. I wish your brother thought so. He just finds me annoying. Which I totally get. I’m pretty fucking annoying, but I don’t know. I think I’m pretty funny, too, at least? And I’m a nice person, too, and a good friend. Whatever. It’s not my fault Alec doesn’t want to see all of my good qualities.”

Jace opens his mouth before he can speak, Alec has called out his name and is soon standing next to him. He looks at Simon and says, “I’m taking my lunch break. Be back in an hour.”

“We’re going to get thai food,” Jace says with a grin. “Do you want us to bring you back anything?”

“If you bring me back some pad ki mao I will literally love you forever.” 

Jace quickly looks down and mumbles, “Okay.” 

The two walk off and Simon calls, “Magnus not going with?”

Alec turns around and says, “Nope. Raphael is running behind so Magnus agreed to stick around and watch the place.”

“When’s Raphael gonna be here?”

“I don’t know, half hour?”

“It’s been so slow I could probably watch the cafe and the shop. It’s no problem.”

“Yeah? Awesome. Let me go tell Magnus.” Alec goes and grabs him. Jace is still looking down and Simon wants to say something to him, but somehow manages to stay quiet.

“You sure you’re okay to cover both? You’ve only worked the cafe, like, once before.”

“I’ll be fine for a half hour. You’ve had two customers all day.”

“True. But if I come back and the place is messed up in any way, you’ll never be invited to one of my parties again.”

“Sure Magnus,” Simon replies. The three of them say goodbye and head out.

A half hour passes without any customers. Raphael arrives and him and Simon chat until Magnus, Alec, and Jace return. Jace is carrying a plastic bag, which he hands over to Simon.

“You can have my extra spring roll if you want. As like, a thank you or whatever,” Magnus says before saying hello to Raphael. 

“Wow thanks, Magnus,” Simon replies. “I’m starving this will be great. I’m gonna take my break now, yeah?” he adds, looking over at Alec. Simon decides to go outside, to the park a bit aways. It’s a nice day out and it’ll be good to get some fresh air and all that.

He starts to walk off just as Jace is leaving as well. They walk out and then continue to walk in the same direction. Simon, once again, wants to speak but he isn’t sure what to say. Then it hits him. Like. Of course. Duh. “Thank you so much for bringing me back some food. It was really nice of you to offer.”

“You’re welcome,” Jace replies. 

It’s quiet until they reach the park. Simon turns to Jace and says, “I’m gonna just sit and eat here. Thanks again. Maybe next time we end up walking together I’ll manage to say more than one thing to you.”

Jace laughs. “I’ll hold you to that. See you later!” Jace waves and continues to walk on. Simon watches as he leaves.  


* * *

  
They fall into a pattern. Jace visits Alec at least once a week, sometimes up to three times, and they go out for lunch. Normally Magnus goes along, too, and sometimes Izzy is there as well. They go and Jace brings back something for Simon to eat. Then Simon proceeds to walk to the park, Jace at his side. Simon actually talks now. Well. He rambles about his special interests and occasionally Jace manages to squeeze in a comment or two. 

It’s a warm day out and they’ve just reached the park. Jace is about to walk away when Simon says, “Would you like to join me? I know you’ve already eaten and you probably have somewhere else you’d rather be but I don’t know. If you wanna.”

Simon braces for Jace to tell him no. Simon is surprised Jace even walks with him this short ways, that he at least pretends to listen to Simon as he talks. Simon is so happy to hear Jace say, “Sure. I have a little time before work.”

“Oh what do you do for work?” Simon asks as they walk into the park, Simon leading them to his favourite park bench (it’s right near the dog park area). 

“I teach fitness classes.”

“Seriously? That’s so cool. I could definitely use some of that. I used to swim a lot, but I kind of fell of out of doing that. I’m really out of shape. Pray you’re never stuck with me in some apocalypse situation where we have to run for our lives. I mean you’d obviously make it out alive; you’re so muscular and strong but I don’t know. Watching me die or whatever might not be too fun.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’d really be up for that. I mean, watching anyone die would suck.”

“Totally.” They sit down on Simon’s bench and Simon opens up his take-out container full of chicken katsu. He takes a couple bites and then asks, “Why don’t you tell me more about you? I know I talk far too much so you definitely know way more about me than I do know of you and we should try and make it a little more proportional.”

“Sure. Well, I teach fitness classes. It’s something I’ve been into since I was a teenager. I started going to the gym pretty regularly, trying to really bulk up and stuff. And I just got really good at it. I’ve thought about going into personal training, but I think classes fit me better. I like the amount of people more than just a one-on-one situation. It’s a really great community, actually.

“Everyone that does it so loving. There’s such a connection with each class and you see people making friends and stuff. It’s cool. Plus they kind of worship me, which is nice.” Jace flashes a smile and Simon lets out a small laugh. He can definitely see why people would worship him.

“I don’t know what else to share. Everything is so interesting it’s hard to pick out just a few select facts. Well. I was adopted, which you may know considering I look nothing Alec or Izzy. I started going to college and then dropped out. I had a bit of a weird emo phase before I got into the fitness stuff. I wore a lot of black eyeliner. Some purple too. That’s about it, I guess.”

“I’d bet you’d look really hot with some black eyeliner right now.” The words are out of Simon’s mouth too fast and he can’t believe he said it. Simon is surprised to see a slight blush appear on Jace’s cheeks. “Anyway! Look! A dog!” Simon calls out, pointing at a small dachshund walking towards them. The dog walks past and Simon can’t take his eyes of them. He has a wide, bright smile on his face. 

“You really like dogs, huh?” Jace questions.

“I do! I love them! They’re just so pretty and sweet and cute and I wanna pet every single dog that has ever existed.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Hey please don’t crush my dream, pretty boy.”

“Pretty boy?” Jace chokes out.

“Oh yeah sorry, is that okay? I wasn’t trying to like, offend you or anything.”

“No,” Jace says with a small smile. “I like it.”  


* * *

  
It’s two weeks later. It’s been an extremely slow day and Alec and Magnus are off somewhere, probably making out. The past two weeks have been really nice. Jace has come by four times and each time after going out with Alec, he joins Simon as he eats his lunch in the park. It’s already past lunch today and today there was no Jace. Simon doesn’t admit it to himself, but it makes him sad. 

There’s no one in the store, so he makes his way over to Raphael at the cafe counter. “Coffee?” he asks and Raphael nods. At this point, Raphael knows just how to make the perfect cup of coffee for Simon. Once it’s done, Simon takes the drink and smiles as he sips it.

“I can’t believe Alec and Magnus have disappeared again,” Simon comments.

Raphael sighs and mutters, “Here we go again.”

“What do you mean?” Simon questions.

“You always complain when Alec and Magnus go make out.”

“I do not! And if I do it’s just because that leaves me to do all the work by myself.”

“Yeah, Simon? And what work is there for you to do right now?”

“Whatever,” Simon mutters, taking another drink of his coffee. It tastes bitter now, its sweetness gone. “Really I’m just bitter that I haven’t taken my lunch break yet. Alec took his, like, two hours ago and here I am, still, food less and hungry.”

“More like you’re upset that Jace didn’t come today.”

“What are you talking about?”

Raphael chuckles. “You talk about Jace about as much as you complain about Alec. It’s kind of cute, actually. About time you started to get over your crush on Alec.”

“What? What are you talking about? I don’t… I don’t have a crush on Alec. And to think I’m getting over this ‘crush’ by having a crush on Jace... I don’t know what you could be talking about.”

“Whatever you say, Lewis.” Raphael walks off into the back area and Simon is left alone with his thoughts. His thoughts which circle around Jace and, well, okay. Maybe Simon really likes Jace. And maybe Simon really enjoys spending time with him and maybe he does get a little sad on days when Jace doesn’t show up. But that’s how friendship works, right? And him and Jace are friends, right?

Raphael comes back a few minutes later and Simon turns to him and asks, “Do you really think I like Jace?”

“You’re the only one that can really answer that,” Raphael replies. “But from my perspective, yeah, you totally do.”  


* * *

  
So. Well. It appears that Simon does, indeed, have a crush on Jace Lightwood. It hits him during the next time they’re out and Simon is eating his lunch. Jace is telling him a story about the fitness class he taught yesterday when he lets out this loud laugh, he snorts and it’s so pure and light and sweet and… Simon likes him. Simon has a crush on Jace fucking Lightwood.

It’s not like there’s something wrong with him having a crush on Jace. Jace is an amazing person and very worthy of having a crush on. It’s more just, well, his last crush was on a person who would never, ever like him back. And not that he honestly thinks someone like Jace would have a crush on him, it is possible. He’s not dating anyone else. He’s not in love with another. Jace could like him. And that scares Simon.

It scares him enough that he stands up in the middle of Jace’s story and mumbles, “I have to go. Not feeling well. Sorry,” before rushing out of the park. He basically runs all the way back to the shop. There are customers when he gets there and he is able to quickly lose himself in helping others find books, by ringing up orders, by telling someone where the bathroom is. It’s steady the rest of the day and Simon doesn’t give himself any time to think about anything but Garroway Books and his job and selling as much as possible.

At the end of his shift, Simon is surprised when Alec comes up to him, a look of… concern? on his face. “Jace said you weren’t feeling well and you left early from lunch. Are you doing all right?” Simon is surprised to see any kind of concern from Alec, any kind of caring towards him. Simon nods.

“Yeah, just a stomach thing. I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, all right? Tell Jace I’m sorry for running out on him.” Alec nods and walks off. Simon leaves the shop. He walks slowly home. His place is far enough away that he almost always catches the bus, but he wants to punish himself today and a four mile walk is a good way to do it. 

It’s about two miles into the walk that Simon decides to ask Jace out. Like. On a date. He’s done it a couple times before, but last time when he asked Raphael out, the boy just laughed in his face. (“You’re not asking me out because you like me. You just want someone so you’re not hung up on Alec. I’m not going out with you as some kind of consolation prize. I’m worth more than that.”) It’s different this time. Everything is different, which scares Simon more.

He spends the next two miles figuring out how to ask him, where they’ll go, what they’ll talk about. He imagines their date, imagines holding Jace’s hand, imagines kissing his lips, imagines talking about things that make Jace smile. The thoughts scare him so completely but they fill him with so much light and joy, too, that he can’t wait for his imagination to turn into memories.  


* * *

  
Jace doesn’t come by for another week. Simon’s text him a few times, apologizing for leaving the way he did, trying to check up and seeing how Jace is. But he only ever gets one word responses. And then when Jace returns from lunch, he doesn’t have any food for Simon with him.

Alec pulls Simon aside before he can speak to Jace. “I don’t know what you did to get my brother so pissed at you, but you better fucking make it up to him.” Simon nods and runs after Jace who is stepping outside.

“Jace!” Simon calls. Jace doesn’t turn around and continues to walk on, even when Simon calls his name two more times. He reaches him and places his hand on his shoulder. 

“What?” Jace barks at him, turning to face Simon. 

“I wanted to apologize.”

“You’ve already done that.”

“I know. But I wanted to explain. It’s gonna sound so stupid and I’m gonna expose myself as the fucking mess that I am but. Okay. Here we go. I was talking to Raphael a few days before we were eating that day. And Raphael suggested that I had a crush on you and I was like, so sure I didn’t. But then I don’t know. We were talking and you laughed and I just… I realized that I do have a crush on you. Like, a big one.

“And that really scares me, Jace. I don’t do well with crushes. I don’t do well with people in general, but when I like someone, I always seem to mess things up and annoy them and I really like you, Jace, and I wanted us to keep being friends but. I don’t know. I also really don’t want us to be friends. I want to, like, date you or whatever. If you wanted that, too.”

It’s silent. Simon waits for laughter, he waits for Jace to push him away, to call him a jerk or a creep or something similar. He waits for some kind of negative reaction, but he doesn’t get one. He doesn’t get anything for minutes. There isn’t even anything on Jace’s face to read. There’s nothing until:

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Simon questions, confused.

“Okay. Let’s date.”

“Yeah?” Simon says, a small giggle leaving his lips.

“Yeah.”  


* * *

  
Simon and Jace don’t go out on an official date for two more weeks. Their schedules have a hard time matching up. In between that time, they eat lunch together almost every day, sometimes Jace doesn’t even go out to eat with Alec, just brings lunch for him and Simon. They make their way to their spot in the park and they talk. It’s good and Simon is happy.

Those two weeks are lowkey Hell for Simon, though, as he tries to figure out what to do on their date. He tries to ask Alec about it, but Alec brushes him off. He tries Clary, but she suggests things like a movie or dinner, both of which are good, but neither of which seem worthy of his first date with Jace.

The night before their date, Simon is closing up when his boss, Luke, comes in. Luke is Clary’s step father and when Simon’s own father died, he kind of become his as well. It’s been a few days since Simon saw him and Simon is so excited that he bounces over to him and gives him a big hug. Luke just laughs.

“You doing all right there, kid?” Luke asks.

“Yeah, just struggling with figuring out what to do for my date with Jace tomorrow. No one’s been helpful and I don’t want to just do dinner and a movie, I want something cool and fun, ya know?”

“Well, what’s something you used to do for fun? Like, as a kid? Something you haven’t done in forever?”

Simon ponders this for a bit when it hits him. Of course! Of course! How had he not thought of it before? A smile grows on his face and Luke asks, “You gonna tell me what you’re gonna do?”

“Um, I will if it goes well. I gotta head out to make sure I can get everything for this, is that all right?”

“Sure thing,” Luke says with a smile. He watches Simon run out and returns to working on inventory.  


* * *

  
The day is colder than expected, which isn’t ideal, but it’s something Simon can work with. He’s borrowed Luke’s truck to carry everything with him and he picks up Jace at his house. Isabelle answers the door with a smile and giggles after she calls for Jace. Jace comes downstairs and he looks so beautiful. He always looks beautiful, of course, but more so here and now and Simon wants to just kiss him right there, but he hesitates and instead reaches out and takes Jace’s hand.

They reach the car and Simon insists on opening the door for him. They get in the car and drive. It’s quiet. Simon is nervous and while sometimes nerves lead him to talking to much, this time every word he knows has suddenly left him. Simon wonders if Jace is nervous as well. He lifts his right arm off the steering wheel and grabs hold of Jace’s hand once more. That helps calm Simon down some and he smiles.

It’s not too long of a drive before they reach the park - it’s a different one than the one next to Simon’s work. They get out of the car and Jace jokes, “You know we can go to places other than a park?”

Simon laughs. “Really? Well shit. Too late now.”

“So what? Did you pack a picnic or what?”

“Well yes. And something else. Have you ever gone ice blocking?”

“Ice blocking?” Jace questions. “No?”

“Okay awesome. You are in for a treat. I think. I’ll be honest I haven’t done this since Clary and I were kids, so hopefully it’s as fun as I remember it being.”

“So what is it?”

“Well. Basically we’re gonna sit on blocks of ice and go down a hill.”

“That sounds either really fun or really stupid.”

“I think it’s probably both. Help me get the ice out of the back?” Simon asks. The two get the ice and towels and get set up atop one of the smaller hills to start out on. 

They each sit on a block of ice and just before they’re about to go, Jace says, “Why don’t you go first? Just so I know for sure I won’t die.”

“Oh, so it’s okay if I die?”

“That is what I said, isn’t it?” Jace replies with a small laugh.

“Wow. Thanks. If I do die, I hope you’re prepared to be haunted.”

“You’re not very scary, though.”

“You’re just full of insults today, aren’t you?”

“Just trying to give you the full Jace Boyfriend experience.”

“So you’re saying, if I keep dating you, you’re just gonna keep being mean to me?”

“Pretty much.”

“Hm. I can live with that,” Simon says with a smile before launching himself off the top of the hill. 

It _is_ as fun as he remembers it being. He lets out a small yelp about half way down and when he reaches the bottom, he stands up and calls to Jace, “Your turn!”

And Jace launches himself a second later, his hands gripped tightly to the towel under him. Simon watches him and when he reaches the bottom, Simon is there to make sure he doesn’t slid too far off. He grabs hold of Jace’s ice block and is leaning over him, their faces close.

Jace leans up and kisses Simon. Simon had thought about kissing Jace - thought about it right then, thought about it multiple times in the past, imagined what it would be like. His imagination was nothing compared to actually kissing Jace. His lips are soft and inviting and when they part, Simon wants more, more, _more_. 

So he takes more, kissing Jace again, Simon falling to his knees so they’re the same height. They kiss and they kiss and Simon forgets that there is anything else in the world, that there are things they could be doing other than kissing. All there is in this world is Jace and his mouth. 

This time when they part, Jace lets out a small giggle and he looks down, away from Simon. Simon smiles and stands up. He reaches his arm out to Jace, who takes it, and Simon pulls him up. 

“You were right,” Jace comments.

“About?”

“This was definitely both stupid and fun.”

“You wanna do it again?” Simon asks. He’s not sure what he means by it - the ice blocking or the kissing. He wants to do both, wants to do anything and everything with Jace by his side. (But to be honest, he does want to kiss him more than anything else.)

“Yeah, let’s try a bigger hill this time.”

“You think you’re ready for that?”

“Absolutely.”  


* * *

  
The two continue sliding down hills and kissing and laughing and talking and in general having a great time together. They go until they’re too cold to continue. They make their way back to the car, where Simon has dinner packed for them. They eat and joke and every time Jace smiles or laughs or talks, Simon is taken back by how wonderful he is and how much he likes him. Which is a lot. Too much, in Simon’s opinion. 

Finished, Simon drives Jace home. He walks him to the door and he knows what comes next. The kiss goodnight. And they’ve already kissed - a lot, but Simon is nervous still. But before he can say anything, Jace is kissing him and his nerves are settled and he is fine again and happy and Simon wishes he could have Jace by his side always to calm his nerves with kisses any time he needed.

They part and Jace says, “Good night, Simon. I had a great time. We should do this again. Not necessarily the ice blocking, but the whole date thing.”

“Yeah? Yeah, of course. I would love that. Of course.” Simon hadn’t even thought about the possibility of more dates. Despite it all going well, he hadn’t considered that Jace would want to go out with him again. “I’ll see you soon.”  


* * *

  
And Simon does see him soon - the next day, actually. And the day after. And the day after that. They have their lunch dates almost every day, which concerns Simon. He’s sure that one day Jace is gonna grow sick of seeing him so often and just stop seeing him all together. But it doesn’t happen.

They go out on more dates and Simon is just… constantly surprised with how good it is. How well they get along. How happy he is with Jace by his side. It’s not as if he wasn’t happy before, but this is different, stronger, and Simon feels comfortable whenever they’re together. And that’s something he doesn’t feel often.

Which kind of brings them to this: Simon and Jace walking on their way to lunch, holding hands. Simon had been talking about Star Trek and how he can’t believe it took him so long to watch the original series when suddenly he starts to say, “Not to like, totally change the topic but I just… I keep thinking this over and over and I just need to say it. I just want you to know how much I like you. I like you a lot. A whole lot. More than I’ve ever liked anyone before.

“I like everything about you and when we’re together, I just feel so good and happy and comfortable and safe and cared for and this is better than anything and this is probably so stupid of me to say and probably too soon into our relationship or whatever, but I just wanted you to know.”

Simon finishes with a small smile and waits. He’s not totally sure what expects. He doesn’t expect a heartfelt confession from Jace as well (although he would definitely like one). He thinks maybe Jace will say thank you and that Simon isn’t the worst person he knows. Now that sounds like Jace. That he could see.

What he definitely wasn’t expecting was this: Jace pulling his hand from Simon and saying, “I have to go now,” before rushing off. Because, well, hadn’t things been going well? Hadn’t Jace been having a good time? Hadn’t he been laughing at Simon’s jokes and smiling when he talked? Hadn’t Jace kissed him multiple times? Hadn’t things been good? Sure, maybe Simon liked Jace more than he liked Simon but… 

Simon keeps walking and walking and eventually pulls out his phone and calls work, telling Alec he’s not gonna make it back in. Before Alec can ask what’s wrong, he hangs up. He walks the rest of the four miles home and when he makes his way inside, he sits down and eats his lunch. Alone. The food has no taste and feels like mush. Simon eats it anyway.  


* * *

  
Simon tries talking to Alec multiple times about Jace, but whenever he brings it up, Alec either quickly changes the subject or simply leaves. He’s messaged Isabelle, asking her if she can tell him what’s going on. She told him to talk to Jace about it. But that’s the problem. Jace isn’t talking to him. He’s sent him text after text and called him time and time again but he’s gotten nothing in return. Not even one word replies like last time Jace was upset with him.

Simon wonders if he should just give up. Jace obviously doesn’t like him and Simon has learned enough social cues that he can realize when someone doesn’t want to talk to him. But... part of him doesn’t want to. Most of him, actually. He’s not ready to lose Jace completely. 

So. Okay. Time for a last ditch effort. It’s after work and Simon is standing outside of Jace’s house, in front of his driveway, wondering what he’s supposed to say when he reaches the front door. He walks slowly and he feels as if every Lightwood is staring through the window at him. He doesn’t see anyone, but he knows Alec would love to laugh at Simon right now.

He reaches the door and knocks. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that Jace wouldn’t be home until right this second or that no one is home at all. Alec left work a half hour before Simon, so he should be home. Unless he went out. Which could have been the case. Great. Simon knocks again, this time more franticly.  
Isabelle answers the door. She’s smiling and says, “It’s about time you showed up. Jace is in his room.” She steps aside so Simon can walk in. He’s only been inside their house once, but he remembers the way to Jace’s room. The door is closed and he knocks on it softly.

“I don’t want to talk, Isabelle. Leave me alone.”

“It’s not Isabelle,” Simon replies.

“Simon?” Jace chokes out. “Shit,” he mumbles and Simon’s heart drops. Obviously Jace wasn’t going to be excited to see him. Obviously. He’s ready to turn and leave when the door opens. “Sorry my room’s a mess,” Jace mutters, looking down. 

Simon steps inside and the two walk over and sit on Jace’s bed. Simon knows he should say something - he’s the one at Jace’s house, he’s the one that wanted to see the other. But the words are gone and he’s stuck in silence. 

Finally, he finds two words and says, “I’m sorry.” He’s said it to Jace multiple times and this time he finally gets a response:

“What for?”

“You know. Scaring you off and everything with all that talk of me, like, liking you and shit. I mean. I get it. You don’t like me that much. I don’t even know why I’m here. I just… if you wanna go back to just hanging out, we don’t have to date or anything. We can just be friends. I just really don’t want to lose you.”

It’s quiet again for a few minutes before Jace says, “That’s not it. It’s not that I don’t like you that much. The fact is that I do and I just… There’s something I haven’t told you and there’s a high possibility that you’re gonna be upset with me or you’re not gonna wanna date me anymore. But I know I should tell you.”

“Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. Unless you’re, like, a murderer then we might not be able to get through that.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s not bad or anything. And I had every right to not tell until I was comfortable and I know that my safety comes first but I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. I mean, I did when I first told my siblings and stuff, but they kind of already knew and this is different because how I feel about you is different and…”

Simon reaches out and grabs hold of Jace’s hand. He knows how much holding hands helps him and he hopes it helps Jace too. Jace takes a couple of deep breathes and then turns to Simon and says, “I’m trans? Wait, that sounded like a question. It’s not a question. I am trans. That’s a fact. I’m a boy, but I was assigned female at birth and I mean, you don’t need to know all the details about that, but yeah.”

“Okay,” Simon replies. It’s so small and simple and he feels he should say more, but he’s not sure what. Because it is okay. Of course it’s okay. How could it not be? “I can totally see why you would be nervous to tell me and I am so grateful that you trust me enough to tell me. But yeah. It’s okay. It doesn’t… change anything. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. You’re still you and I love you. Fuck. I wasn’t going to say I love you yet but haha I guess I just did.”

“Okay,” Jace echos back at him. “I may love you too. Or whatever. You know. Something to that effect.”

“Really? Me? You sure about that?”

“I know. I can’t believe it either.” Jace smiles widely at Simon and Simon feels love. He feels his love for Jace and Jace’s love for him and it’s good and Simon hopes the feeling is always there. It’s something he never wants to lose.


End file.
